A cynical, yet surprising accuracy view of concession speeches

Completely funny take on speeches from the losers, errr, I mean, every candidate who did not win an election. Spelling mistakes are the author of the article, not mine (for once). From Scott Hollifield:

(SPIRITED APPLAUSE. SIGNS WAVE. CLASSIC ROCK THEME SONG PLAYS. CANDIDATE SMILES. CANDIDATE WAVES. CANDIDATE POINTS TO SOMEONE IN THE CROWD HE PRETENDS TO KNOW. CANDIDATE KISSES WIFE NONPASSIONATELY.)

Thank you. Thank you. I don't know about you, but I feel like a winner tonight.

(MORE SPIRITED APPLAUSE.)

Even though we finished fifth in a field of five, the 418 people from the great state of (name of state) who want a change of course in this nation spoke loud and clear. Let me hear you!

(LEAD CROWD IN CHANT OF CAMPAIGN SLOGAN DEVELOPED BY A TEAM OF CONSULTANTS.)

As I traveled all over this great state of (name of state), I met people like (name of someone with a problem the government didn't solve.) And he said to me, it is time take government out of the hands of (name of opposite political party) and give it back to those to whom it truly belongs, the people.

(APPLAUSE.)

I traveled to (insert names of several towns to show you were actually in the state for a while) and in (name of one of those towns) I talked with (someone like crazy ol' Jerry, who rambled on and on about FICA contributions) and he let me know in no uncertain terms he doesn't like the direction we're headed.

As a boy, I worked (at some kind of job the rest of us worked at to show that he's not above us) and it taught me the value of a dollar. Those bureaucrats in Washington, those (members of opposite political party) seem to have forgotten all about that.

We may have finished fifth tonight, but we are not ready to give up. Let me hear you!

(LEAD CROWD IN CHANT OF CAMPAIGN SLOGAN DEVELOPED BY TEAM OF CONSULTANTS. POINT AND WAVE AT CRAZY OL' JERRY)

We are in this for the long run. Now, it's on to the great state of (name of next primary state.)

(BACK ON BUS, INSTRUCT WRITERS TO BEGIN WORK ON SPEECH ANNOUNCING WITHDRAWEL FROM RACE.)

By the way, a slight change in plan. No podcast this weekend or next week. There was a forum (yet another one) on FOXNews from South Carolina. I'll put up some links about the results later maybe.